She sat across from me, looking distraught. When posed with the question: ‘What are you most passionate about’; Jenna twirled her chocolate brown, shoulder-length hair and looked back at me with her matching dark brown eyes and expressed her love for Sailing. As an anthropology and journalism double major, she hopes to explore different people and cultures around the world, “I’m so astounded by them [humans], even though I am one.” Where she is hopeful to use her growing sailing skills as grounds for traveling between her jobs as a sailing anthropologic journalist.
“A big part of what I loved about sailing was spending time with my family, because you never get those times when you can just sit with each other and just be and listen to some music, play some cards. We didn’t even look at a watch the whole time we were there.”
As we sat there and divulged into her life, it became more and more evident that the passion she has for sailing was in fact a mask for the love and devotion she feels for her family. “I’m probably the most family oriented person I know”. Later when conferring about her interview where she agreed. Her passion lies in the strong connection she has with her family.
Since she was an infant, her father instilled the yearning desire of adventure into Jenna’s growing foundation. Every year she came to rely on a family outing crossing borders and ignoring reality. Through these trips she created unbreakable bonds with her parents and siblings.
Coming to college Jenna lost the time and adventures with her family. With hope to revive her passion she joined the UMass Sailing Team. “I really want to get better at sailing by myself.” She hopes to then use these skills to carry on her family traditions and to be able to sail solo for many years to come.
“Part of the reason I joined the sailing team was because you get a really good command of the boats when you’re racing. You have to think quickly about it and you become really skilled about when to tack and when to jive. How to trim the sails; and so I think the technical aspects will be really helpful.”
She told tales of how her father would attempt to teach her how to sail, but she was always too young to really develop an interest. However in the absence of the sailing trips she has used this time sailing on her own to create a greater basis of knowledge and strengthen the bond she has with her father. She reveals; “I’ve always found that when I turn something into a competitive sport, I love it less.” Showing us the true agenda she holds is not that of competing but gaining skills to help lighten the burden of her family on their own trips.
“It was a very difficult transition for me to make when we stopped doing that, but now it has just become a memory, and a state of mind. When I’m sailing I can remember back to all those amazing times that I had with my family and kind of feel at home again. I feel at peace with myself as a person.”
Through sailing Jenna can find herself and relive the greatest moments with her family. She has used sailing as her home away from home and has created a safe escape from reality in sailing. She is transforming her experiences with her family into a lifestyle she will carry with her for the rest of her life.
Audrey Donohue 
You really seemed to have a sense of who she is and was. Great use of quotes and basic information. The focus was established slowly, but it was definitely very solid. The transitions could be better. The lead could have been better, it didn’t exactly attract my attention right away, but it definitely gave me a visual of what was going on. The use of attribution was great and the there were no subjective conclusions, nice work!
I definitely get a better sense of who Jenna is through her passion for sailing. One can learn a lot about someone from just their passion alone. I would love to learn more about the sailing team and their goals as well. This being a profile news article, I think spending more time on the present more so than the past- although I like the details- is more important. I was a little bit confused about the lead. Why did she have a distraught look on her face when she was talking about sailing? I think revealing the tie she has with sailing and family could come a little sooner in the article to set the tone straight. Otherwise, great job and keep doing good!!
I really like that although it is about sailing it became more about the relationship between her and her family, and how that is what drives her passion. I also enjoy the way the story was written, it had a warming tone to it and considering the topic it fits well.
Lots of information in this piece. Your presentation of Jenna and her history with sailing, from her younger years to her current aspirations and activities, is rife with detail and progression, which is excellent for a biopic. There is an experiential sense of who Jenna is as a person, as well as a sailor in her own right.
You may want to pay attention to how you attribute your quotes, however; while it’s clear that Jenna is indeed the source for each of the quotes you use, it’s structurally more sound to indicate that she was the individual quoted (eg., “Words, words, words,” the interviewee said) rather than placing the quote in the middle of two sentences, unless you’re paraphrasing someone.